Wednesday, June 30, 2010

My eye surgery

I've been rolling around in my head what I can say to my doctor before he operates on my eye. Just something to spark a conversation, or get a laugh. Something like:
  • I expect perfection
  • I don't want to become a statistic
  • It's my right eye, Doc. Just think right.
  • I hope you didn't choose last night to start drinking.
  • "I hope we're all republicans here." That was Ronald Reagan's line when he was shot.
  • How come you're shaking this morning, doc.
  • Don't give me a bloody lip (to the anesthesiologist)
  • Don't chip my teeth (also to the anesthesiologist)

Although I've decided I might be better off saying nothing. I'm afraid if I get him to thinking too much while operating on me, he might just make me a statistic. I don't mean on purpose either.

Besides, I know how fun I get when I'm loaded with versed and vicoden. You might not be able to understand what I say, but I'm happy when I'm high. When I had an EGD a couple years ago I think I had the nurses rolling on the ground.

The unfortunate thing is I usually don't remember what I say, so chances are I won't be blogging about much of it. Obviously, if I do you'll be the first to know.

So I wrote this post yesterday while I was at work. This is being published while I'm on the operating table. I'm probably in lala land right now. Or perhaps the nurses are rolling on the ground, and my wife's face is red with embarrassment.

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